I miss

A voice

It isn’t enough

A memory

Hardly enough

A promise

Terribly vague

A ransom

Never to pay

free flee flea fallin

disappear

without a warning

will you do it

to be free

if a flower

from the soil

should grow on you

depend

alone would surely die

disappear

without a warning

as a bird

you need to fly

once returned

you only wonder

why the tears

the solemn eye

people, friends and family

finally retreat

now in your depravity

shame is obsolete

why change the one

who needs to run

why run

the planet’s round

you’ll never catch a single breath

you’ll never win the race with

death

disappear

without a warning

will you do it

to be free

if a flower

needs protection

from a flower

would you flee?

disappear

without a warning

to your understanding wife

disappear

without a warning

will you make the run

your life

everybody knows you run

why change what you have always done

and people

they forgive

that you pursue

to remain free

the shame is obsolete

in your undue depravity

disappear

without a warning

maybe weeks

you wish to run

will you do it

once you father

a dependent baby son

if a flower needs protection

will you raise it

to the bloom

if you run

without a warning

our blossom faces doom

Tulnukas

I recall

to me a stranger was born
I held my
baby but felt no connection
affection

is it oh is it
a girl or a boy
is she or is he
a child or a toy

I want to give you my Love..!
but I don't even know who you are!!!

oh... but she was so special...
oh yeah, she was...
oh he was so special
he was so wise

X-raying...
desires and fears
with...
her heart, mind, soul and eyes

is she or is he 
a girl or a boy
am I his mother 
or am I her toy

alien babies
are born more today
cameleon babies 
born to x-ray

alien babies 
our mirror is here
cameleon children
re-appear

alien babies 
they mean you no harm
by changing us as
they kiss and disarm

monodialogue

on the great journey of self discovery one must realize what it is that makes him tick... what it is that we can identify with. our will? our ways? our shiny hair?

our pain? our love? our sense of fair?

our notions all of right and wrong?

or with our soul? where we belong?

so... even if we never manage to fit our self in words... perhaps the goal is to stop trying.

we are.

what more is there to say?

well, I'm a woman

able to talk 

endlessly,

for days.

and there you go.

new poem.

drumroll, please.

___________________________________________________

emotions

they are dumb

and mind

erroneous

while heart

is resolute

how strange...

most days I 'm able to

both master my emotions

and then control my mind

my silly little heart alone

has little sight, is blind...

it only wants to love

how strange

emotions like a passing wind

blow left and all around

my mind is strange

once in a while

I get lost in it's ways

a tree with branches stretching wide

leaves dancing in a breeze

how strange there do occur the days

when I can master both

and please

my yearning for control

and then

my heart

poor little child

has little discipline

poor little heart

too open wide

too weak, too weak for me

"go left"

I say

and it turns right

"come back"

it leaves without a sight

oh heart

did you not hear what I commanded you to do?

oh heart, you silly little thing

why won't you ever listen to

my thoughts

why don't you ever follow through

with that which I must do?

why not? the heart replies

to me you rarely speak at all

or hear my good advice

you only worry

contemplate

over a pair of rolling dice

you barely listen to my truth

and of that truth,

"dreckitude"

the most of it declare

I only do react in ways I thought you would think fair

accept what you can never change

I stand free in all my ways

of love I only know to speak

if that's what you say makes me weak

my dear

you must be right

but love, we shouldn't fight

okay?

Triangular

I went to sleep

and fell in a dream

he was holding me

confessing love

I was moved

cause I loved him right back

and then was another

who loved me

and watched

and scolded

was saddened

felt weakened

too much

I saw his heart break as against me, another heart beat

with this final image before me I woke up in sunlitten heat

and now I am thinking

of them both, figurines and but shadows from my past of dreams

I give them a hug, set free from my mind

Go on with my morning proceed with my life

sec after

so you said it

you want me

i cannot reply

breathe deeply

accept as I friendly advise

to stay distant

if you want what is good for you

I will hurt you

and thus hurt myself

I’ve plenty of others to choose from

you’d be but a casual flirt

if I use you

I lose you a friend

so I’m wanted

so what?

so by others

why would I pick you

or anyone else

I’m done making choices

I’ve chosen myself

so crushes usurp me

and lurk from behind

crushes aren’t lasting

I will change my mind

so let me have crushes

dismembered by them

I’ll soon welcome reason

and regain myself

so sure

I am pretty

addictive

I know

but not for my princes

in line by the door

It’s me and myself

I’m meant to and for

Obsession

For every picture in my head

Inspiration comes from you

Although we no more share a bed

I’d kiss you if I could

I generate my own misery

And you receive the blame

It’s over, ancient history

Will I ever be the same?

While trying to find a way out

From the trap inside myself

I begin to have a naggin’ doubt

About my mental health

You’re perfect. I’m obsessed

By love I am possessed

I love you. You don’t care

Fuck, life just isn’t fair

Stuck in prejudice

I hate in when people

Look right through me

Like I was a window

All shiny and new

I don’t need help

Just a little attention

Please don’t pretend

You did not see me go

I want to be noticed

I want to be loved

I know I deserve

My part in the in-crowd

I want your friendship

To end my despair

And most of all this

I want you to care

Look at me, talk to me

Notice my screams

I’m as important

As we all want to be

I don’t want to be silent

Not heard when I call

You will hear me shout

Cause I want it all