tüütud

taevas tänatud, et leidub ligimesi
niivõrd purulolle,
et neilt saab õppida - ja piiritult!
suurt sooja tolerantsi

ja enamgi -
tudeerida, kuis 
edukalt 
neist hoida 
hooletut distantsi

eski güneşime

severken ben

kendimi değiştirdim

saklandım

onunla hem

güldüm

hem de

çok zehirlendim

mutsuzluktan gitmeye

üç kez karar verdim

bırakmadı

hep giderken

takip etti beni

sevdiğini, özlediğini sürekli söyledi

hep farklı olacak dedi

inandım

ve hiç olmadı

aksine, yanındayken

hep aynı, bitkin bok

nasıl bir insan oldum ben

nasıl zehirlendim

topraktan yıldıza kadar

hep seveceğim sandım de -

iyi ki olmadi

kalbi o kadar bozuk

yalnız, ve allahsız

ruhu o kadar kayıp

zayıf, eğitimsiz

dördüncü kez

bırakırken

günah işledim ben

çok kötü acıttım onu

tüm gücümle vurdum
dümdüz, kalbine

ikimiz kırsın diye

bozulduk, ikimiz. 
başarı.
ve başağrıymış.

üç gündür kendimden
çok nefret ettim ve

sonunda af. affettim.

şu an işte hayatımda

ne bok

ne de güneş

nihayet ki

huzur

fakat bugünler o yılan

yalnız, mutsuz

korkunç insan

yine arıyor beni

yine özlüyor

beni düşünür, diyor

salaklaşmış

belli

yasamayı gerçekten hiç

bile bilmiyor

benle mutlu olamadı

bensiz de üzüyor

nasıl bir insan

ne yazık

iyi ki benden

çok uzak

*28.03.12*

on esimene päev

mis veedan sinuta

...igatsus.

kuid tean, et selle päeva

ja ka kõik järgmised

ma elan. elusalt

end muutes paremaks

ehk tasa targemaks

ja aina kasvades

on esimene päev

mil kaugelt sõnumeid

su poole lähetan

ja soojenen su hääles

on esimene päev

ma toksin telefoni tekstikasti sadu suudluseid

aeg ees veel pikk on oodata

pikk armastada vahemaa

on esimene päev

kuid tean, mu mõtete kalendris

üks koidab, teine päev

soe suveilm

õrn tuulehoog

ja sinu naeratus

taas tarduv ümbritsev

ja sinu silmad - silmad

on valgust täis

ja minu suul, mu huultel

taas omatahtsi naer

ja meie ümber maailm

las pöörleb edasi

me ees on terve elu

pikk avar armastus

ja nii ei tunne valu

ma olles üksinda need kuud

sest sinu hääl ja sõnad

ja soojus südamest

mind hoiab hoolimata 

me vahekaugustest

why

so many a thing I have learned in your land
and yet I have had to return

I'm a vessel, not empty nor full
so many a time I have left and arrived
so many a time felt the pull
towards Turkey
and never known why

many other a person has wondered
what it is that keeps bringing me back
last time, old and wise-eyed, a woman
said I must be on destiny's track

her words pierced me deep, as her eyesight
but I still could not say what I seek
as a rose growing petals, a bird earning wings
I am not.
I stand strong on my feet.

no singular value nor humanly joy
would fill me, none of them keep
me buying tickets
and packing my bags
not even the fun I have had

wrapped into her emerald gaze
I sighed as I had to admit
I haven’t the slightest idea
but fate is too strong of a word
I dare not to use it
I fear

however, many a time
her words ring so true in my ears

I am right where I needed to be
meeting people I needed to see
Turkey still, with its treasures enriches my heart
dominion it holds over me

for Fatih 

13th of March 2012

äkki

kuu sündis

päikese valgusesse

teadsid sa?

kuu sündis 

päikese valgusesse

kas nägid?

ei näinudki? kuis nii?

oled kindel?

olgu, sain aru,

sinu kuu ja su päike on eraldi veel

te veel kohtunud pole, kas nii?

aga mina, usu, nägin kuis hommiku eel

kuu sündis

armunult

mõistad sa?

ta valgus tuli mu ellu

birdenbire

ay doğmuş

güneş ışığına

biliyor muydun?

ay doğmuş

güneş ışığına

görüyor muydun?

görmedin mi? nasıl?

emin misin?

peki, anladım ki,

senin ayın, güneşın tam ayrı

hala tanımadın sen, değil mi?

fakat ben, inan bana, gördüm

ay doğmuş

aşıkmış

anlıyor musun?

ışığı girmiş hayatıma

breaking news! of hi-ss-tory.

if televised, the dead are more important
brought to court, the outrage more legit


once it happens off the frame 
nothing can support the claim
of suffering. no audience will hear
cruel deeds without a medium
don't have the same appeal
a distant pain is such a bore...


but hand me some photos of a war,
not black nor white, but crimson,
I emote. so sad. so dead. 


hollow eyes of starving children
twiglike limbs of detainees
mushroom clouds and brave young pilots
bring my heartstrings to my sleeve


did you see the towers crumble?
count the dead in middle east?
plain statistics are too humble
for the eye not quite the treat


hot and salty, sticky, rolling 
lower, dropping from the cheeks
I hope someone clicked record 
while men were murdered on the street
kids are crying and women wailing 
bright in color, clear in sound
and their woes gain more momentum 
and the punishment more ground


where is god? they yelled in anguish
where was man? were answered back
if you didn't catch the footage 
it won't count as proven fact


so go suffer if you have to 
but please try to entertain
I won't blink twice for the corpses
numbers really have no name

güven

bazı şeyler düzeltilmez, kırılır

vurulmuş bir çocuk izlerini silmez

bazı kelimeler düşünülmez konuşulur

bazı düşünülen iki katı zarar verir

bazı hayaller kurulmaz, yaşanırlar

kuşlar da evvel uçmaktan korkardılar

bazı zamanlar geçirilmez, harcanırlar

bazı harcanmış olan iki kat yükseğe uçturur

bazı aşklar ne yaşanır ne unutulur

pişmanlıklar ne terkedilir ne eğitir

bazı meyveler çürümüşken bile yenilmeli

İşte bunlardır seni kendine ulaştıran

iki

Yemin ederim ki gözlerin arkasına
iki bakışını yakan mum saklıdır.
Onları kapatmazsan dünyam kararmaz.

Trust

some things don't get fixed they get broken
a child who's been hit keeps the scars
some words are not thought but get spoken
some thought do double the harm


some dreams are not dreamed they are tasted
birds, too, once were frightened to fly
some times don't get spent they get wasted
some wasted give double the high


some loves are not loved nor forgotten
regrets not let go nor learnt from
some fruits must be eaten though rotten
they're steps to the one you become

väike prints

at once I was smitten

my heart woke from sleep

my arms curled around you

to hold you to keep

the poems I’d written

on wavetops to stay

for a lingering moment

you’d read them and say

that the hope I now nurture

is one you’ll lend wings

when arms get divided

our souls may still sing

to a tune we together

invent and let soar

to a song of forever

one moment and more

leidlaps

he didn't cry when they found him on the doorstep

or complain when love was interchanged for goods

he was fed and he was guarded

never hungry, always safe

he was cared for, he was sorted

growing bigger day by day

he was given all he needed

but was never in demand

surely he was not mistreated

just required once to stand

on his own feet and be leaving

to a life of mad success

and remember to be speaking

of their kindness in excess

he didn't cry when he was hugging them farewell

he kissed goodbye and he was surely never missed

and in his life 

before and after

he had a single sad regret

he wished his mother and his father

had never 

ever 

met

Vudeja

I knew it

If I had another chance

I’d live more fully

Turn it all around

From fear I would discover my desire

From sorrow I would manifest my strength

And having had complaints and been a crier

My shortcomings would suddenly gain length

And here I am and sitting and I’m thanking

That life presented me a second chance

And here I am more fully and I’m thinking

My thoughts which now can purposefully dance

I miss

A voice

It isn’t enough

A memory

Hardly enough

A promise

Terribly vague

A ransom

Never to pay

free flee flea fallin

disappear

without a warning

will you do it

to be free

if a flower

from the soil

should grow on you

depend

alone would surely die

disappear

without a warning

as a bird

you need to fly

once returned

you only wonder

why the tears

the solemn eye

people, friends and family

finally retreat

now in your depravity

shame is obsolete

why change the one

who needs to run

why run

the planet’s round

you’ll never catch a single breath

you’ll never win the race with

death

disappear

without a warning

will you do it

to be free

if a flower

needs protection

from a flower

would you flee?

disappear

without a warning

to your understanding wife

disappear

without a warning

will you make the run

your life

everybody knows you run

why change what you have always done

and people

they forgive

that you pursue

to remain free

the shame is obsolete

in your undue depravity

disappear

without a warning

maybe weeks

you wish to run

will you do it

once you father

a dependent baby son

if a flower needs protection

will you raise it

to the bloom

if you run

without a warning

our blossom faces doom

novacasa

empty with a hint of desperation

easily the prettiest of all

I wonder if I grant her satisfaction

could I for my attention make her crawl

vacant are her eyes to most observers

I for one see searchlight in their gaze

all the desperation that concerns her

I could almost certainly erase

and after she’s reborn in my affection

day by day more restless would I grow

surely if she senses my rejection

boredom of our perfect status quo

surely she would shed a hundred teardrops

surely I would further pull away

empty with a hint of desperation

again she’d be tomorrow or today

what a poor dependent love forsaken lady

yet easily the prettiest of all

one day she will grow stonger and then maybe

once more and far more deeply I would fall

loving her is effortlessly easy

loving she is bound to be fulfilled

I miss her and believe me it would please me

to see her shining happy. and she will.

papa

he really loved the children

one happy family

he really loved the children

so unmistakably

he really loved the children

confused and teary-eyed

he really loved the children

but never quite said why

he really loved the children

so fragile, pure and slim

he really loved the children

blue spots and boney limbs

he really loved the children

whose souls he tore apart

he really loved the children

their silent trustful heart

he really loved the children

their secrets so well kept

from all the love the children

they wept. and wept. and wept.

now

the present is

when you’re totally present

with the present

of the present.

do you like your present,

my present?

am I your present

cause you surely are mine

a present

from the present

of the present

that I love

paneelmaja

kevadõhtu

hõiked, millest suudan eraldada vaid

õllelõhna ja

üksteise ületrumpamise ühtekuuluvust

paaritumistantsud. meelitatud naer

tubakavärvid ja lõhnakõned

praksuvad siidripurgid maniküüritud käed

millal nad magama lähevad?

Millal nad üles ärkavad?

Ja kuhu viib neid hommikune rong?

Tulnukas

I recall

to me a stranger was born
I held my
baby but felt no connection
affection

is it oh is it
a girl or a boy
is she or is he
a child or a toy

I want to give you my Love..!
but I don't even know who you are!!!

oh... but she was so special...
oh yeah, she was...
oh he was so special
he was so wise

X-raying...
desires and fears
with...
her heart, mind, soul and eyes

is she or is he 
a girl or a boy
am I his mother 
or am I her toy

alien babies
are born more today
cameleon babies 
born to x-ray

alien babies 
our mirror is here
cameleon children
re-appear

alien babies 
they mean you no harm
by changing us as
they kiss and disarm

monodialogue

on the great journey of self discovery one must realize what it is that makes him tick... what it is that we can identify with. our will? our ways? our shiny hair?

our pain? our love? our sense of fair?

our notions all of right and wrong?

or with our soul? where we belong?

so... even if we never manage to fit our self in words... perhaps the goal is to stop trying.

we are.

what more is there to say?

well, I'm a woman

able to talk 

endlessly,

for days.

and there you go.

new poem.

drumroll, please.

___________________________________________________

emotions

they are dumb

and mind

erroneous

while heart

is resolute

how strange...

most days I 'm able to

both master my emotions

and then control my mind

my silly little heart alone

has little sight, is blind...

it only wants to love

how strange

emotions like a passing wind

blow left and all around

my mind is strange

once in a while

I get lost in it's ways

a tree with branches stretching wide

leaves dancing in a breeze

how strange there do occur the days

when I can master both

and please

my yearning for control

and then

my heart

poor little child

has little discipline

poor little heart

too open wide

too weak, too weak for me

"go left"

I say

and it turns right

"come back"

it leaves without a sight

oh heart

did you not hear what I commanded you to do?

oh heart, you silly little thing

why won't you ever listen to

my thoughts

why don't you ever follow through

with that which I must do?

why not? the heart replies

to me you rarely speak at all

or hear my good advice

you only worry

contemplate

over a pair of rolling dice

you barely listen to my truth

and of that truth,

"dreckitude"

the most of it declare

I only do react in ways I thought you would think fair

accept what you can never change

I stand free in all my ways

of love I only know to speak

if that's what you say makes me weak

my dear

you must be right

but love, we shouldn't fight

okay?